Last week I watched a Periscope broadcast by Julie Jordan Scott.
She gave her viewers a question, “What conversation you never had but like to have, and what would you say?” This question struck me. Suddenly I felt my face getting warm and my eyes welling up. So I started to write this post.
I was supposed to publish this last Friday, but didn’t have the courage to finish writing it. Until today.
If I can have a conversation that I never had but like to have, I’d like to have a conversation with the scared little child in me.
I want to tell her not to be afraid of people.
Don’t be afraid to trust. I know she has nightmares from the past she tries to forget. There are fears she tries to hide. Sometimes she wakes me up in the middle of the night and reminds me of those nightmares. Sometimes the darkness makes her tremble, but I try to shun her away because I figure I’m a grown up.
I want to tell her that I salute her strength. She wishes to protect me that’s why she reminds me of the ugly past. I want to tell her that it’s okay; we’re going to be fine. I want to tell her there are no monsters under the bed.
I want to tell her to learn to forgive and let go.
People has hurt and wounded her. I want to tell her that she has a beautiful heart. And that same heart she’s trying to protect, is the same heart I have that is trying to have the strength to forgive. So she can finally be at peace.
I want to tell her that I’ve got this.
I want to look into her dark eyes, hold her small fragile hands, and tell her “I got this.” She can turn her back from all her worries and fears because I got her back.
I want to tell her
I’m sorry. I don’t know why, but I just am.
Everything is going to be okay.